Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

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Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and how it Can Help You Find–and Keep–love. Penguin. The end of each chapter is further equipped with guiding questions, tools and pragmatic resources to continue one's path of self-discovery even after the end of the reading. Fraley, R. C. (2019). Attachment in adulthood: Recent developments, emerging debates, and future directions. Annual Review of Psychology, 70(1), 401–422. Ein-Dor, T., & Hirschberger, G. (2016). Rethinking attachment theory: From a theory of relationships to a theory of individual and group survival. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 25(4), 223–227.

Ten Brink, S., Coppens, V., Huys, W., & Morrens, M. (2021). The psychology of kink: A survey study into the relationships of trauma and attachment style with BDSM interests. Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 18(1), 1–12. Stuchell, S. C. (2013). Monogamy. In R. E. Emery (Ed.), Cultural sociology of divorce: An encyclopedia (pp. 839–845). Sage. I don’t really have much experience with poly and have really only heard bits and pieces about it. This book is a pretty good introduction to that world but also is a succinct and action-oriented overview on attachment and trauma and how to heal one’s old attachment wounds. In her book, Fern applies insights from decades of research testing the theory of attachment to people who are striving for secure relationships with more than one partner. Polysecure goes a long way toward clarifying what’s at stake in discussions like the one I had on that day: If it wasn’t secure attachment that we had, then what could we get from each other that would enrich both our lives? Domingue, R., & Mollen, D. (2009). Attachment and conflict communication in adult romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 26(5), 678–696.While this book isn't anything new to me (I read plenty of anarchist and psychotherapy texts post high school), it did remind me that knowing these theories is not enough. They need to be enacted, over and again, with our loved ones, and with patience and compassion. I'll admit, trauma recovery feels impossible to me more often than not, but I don't want to give up, because I know others have changed, and I myself have changed in small ways and in fleeting moments. I don't know if I'll ever breach the psychotic gulf between me and my parents, but I can at least be better to my friends who I run away from too much, to their pain and my own. Roseneil, S., & Budgeon, S. (2004). Cultures of intimacy and care beyond ‘the family’: Personal life and social change in the early 21 st century. Current Sociology, 52(2), 135–159.

In the third installment of Suzanne Collins's New York Times bestselling The Underland Chronicles, Gregor must stop a plague from spreading through the Underland. alot of people in spaces I was moving thru seemed to be reading and raving about it, and I got abit wary (often my way when anything seems to have alot of hype)... Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual non-monogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. I won’t give away the secrets of Fern’s book in this review, but I will say the roadmap she offers for cultivating secure attachment with multiple partners is extremely helpful, and perhaps even revolutionary. At the end of the book, she stresses that people pursuing such relationships must, above all, earn a secure attachment with their own selves.

Barker, M. (2011). Monogamies and non-monogamies: A response to “The challenge of monogamy: Bringing it out of the closet and into the treatment room” by Marianne Brandon. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 26(3), 281–287.

Katz-Wise, S. L. (2015). Sexual fluidity in young adult women and men: Associations with sexual orientation and sexual identity development. Psychology and Sexuality, 6, 189–208. Secure attachment is absolutely central to successful polyamorous relationships, and insecure attachment is at the core of the jealousy and other challenges in open relationships of all kinds. This book can help poly people, as well as clinicians, get to the heart of their struggles and pain. It can help them to take concrete steps to become more comfortable with their nonmonogamous relationships and trust their partner’s love and commitment. This is required reading for people in open relationships and should be used as a textbook for every therapist who works with people in polyamorous relationships."—Kathy Labriola,counselor, nurse, and author of The Polyamory Breakup Book George, C., Kaplan, N. & Main, M. (1996). Adult Attachment Interview. Unpublished manuscript, Department of Psychology, University of California, Berkeley (third edition). Bairstow, A. (2017). Couples exploring nonmonogamy: Guidelines for therapists. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 43(4), 343–353.A practical guide to nurturing healthy, loving non-monogamous relationships using attachment theory. Not every relationship can develop a sense of attachment, as I discovered that day with my friend. Almost by definition, it’s rare to find someone to serve as your secure base and safe haven. “This happens when our partners care about our safety, seek and respond to our distress, help us to co-regulate and soothe, and are a source of emotional and physical comfort,” writes therapist Jessica Fern in her recent book, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy. Krahé, C., et al. (2018). Sensitivity to CT-optimal, affective touch depends on adult attachment style. Scientific Reports, 8(1), 1–10.