Buggernation Street Annual 1975

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The male members of the Rovers’ clientele get to decide which woman has the Worst Tits in Weatherfield, though Mavis is unimpressed Jerry has nominated her - until she wins it. Ray’s amorous ambitions are thwarted by Billy, who cops off with the ‘escort’ after being rejected anew by Deirdre, whilst Hilda acquires a virgin admirer and Ken gives Bet a stiffie.

The residents of the street mark Bank Holiday in their own distinctive ways: Len takes Rita to Old Trafford for the Ashes test match, Hilda watches the test card, Minnie pretends her backyard is the seaside, and Ena organises an event at the community centre, booking a ‘turn’ whose identity she won’t reveal - much to the annoyance of Albert Tatlock. Elsewhere, Maggie is prepared to give Alf the benefit of the doubt when it comes to his suggestions for their spanking sessions, and Emily’s attempts to raise funds for charity sees Albert Tatlock challenge anyone to accompany him on a walk across Weatherfield Moor. He went on to underline the ludicrousness of this farcical copyright circus by playing a few bars of the piano intro to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ in the wrong key ala Les Dawson simply because he couldn’t even play the proper bloody melody himself without being slapped by a strike, let alone using the actual Queen recording on the video. Bookie Dave Smith tries to do a good deed by offering his services as a gigolo free of charge to Ena and Minnie, both of whom reject the offer, whilst Hilda announces she and Stan will be holding a ‘sex party’ the following week. Albert’s community centre lecture leads to an interview on local radio, though Minnie interrupts his nostalgic flights of fancy.The self-styled intellectual of the street, Ken Barlow, also resides in Albert's house, having once been married to his niece Valerie, who died after electrocuting herself with a hairdryer (an appliance the distraught Ken often wanked into following her death). Annie is a snooty widow who nevertheless craves a vibrator to enliven lonely evenings; her son Billy is a pimp who runs several brothels in Accrington, but has persuaded his girlfriend Deirdre Hunt to work on the streets of Weatherfield, a move that proves to be a profitable venture for both of them. The small number of critics who spoke up for the series praised its ‘realism’, pointing out that ‘Buggernation Street’ was not just the only programme on television where the characters went to the toilet (and commented on it afterwards), but was a rare example of a show in which those in it spoke the unvarnished language of real people. There’s no on-screen nudity or sex of any kind in a single episode of the 42 that ended up being produced; it’s merely suggested in the most explicit manner possible – and it makes people laugh at the same time; indeed, how could they not laugh at the thought of Maggie Clegg treating Alf Roberts to a spot of water-sports or poor old Stan Ogden being forced to bend over as Hilda shoves a police truncheon where the sun don’t shine?

Meanwhile, Ernie appears on local radio to discuss his impotence, providing his neighbours with amusingly intimate details of his private life. It remained out of sight until the 28 surviving episodes began to find their way onto YouTube in the 2010s, resurrecting it as a bad taste cult classic from the pre-PC world. Albert decides the latest way for him to defy the years is to wear some sunglasses and pass for John Cale - though nobody else is convinced; Alan’s own way of looking younger is to acquire a new tattoo whilst checking out a cheap motor in Blackpool, with at least Annie Walker impressed by the addition to his physique; her account of accidentally being exposed to it fires Irma’s ongoing lust for Elsie’s feller. Beato correctly pointed out the absolute pittance of royalties Henley could claim should anyone dare insert fifteen seconds of ‘Hotel California’ into a video would be something to put Spotify to shame – a handful of cents at the most. After years of rumours that individual cast members had preserved copies of ‘missing episodes’, these eventually started to resurface too.Alf’s latest brainwave to woo Maggie round to his way of thinking is met with hostility, though Maggie tells Elsie she hasn’t rejected Alf outright, merely his intended employment of chutney or chili sauce.