Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

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What’s the X factor that allows one smart, innovative thinker to found a company or invent a product that makes waves, while their equally smart, innovative peer makes barely a ripple? What does a child who was taught to follow the rules unquestioningly out of fear do when a parent isn’t there to dictate his behavior? Studies find that up to 96 percent of individuals experience dissociation during the training—the fog of war. On the other hand, if we see the stressor as an opportunity for growth or gain, as something that is difficult but that we can handle, we’re more likely to experience a challenge response. The better you’re able to identify and interpret these, the more likely you are to cope with the difficulties you face.

I even joined their Patreon community to get early access to their content and of course, to support their work. The subtitle of this book is “Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness”. Despite the title sounding somewhat like it would be talking mostly about grit, it is more of a broad-based look, that focuses on self-betterment and performance; across all endeavours. Resilience is tied to low levels of denial and the ability to face fears—being able to encounter challenges, not through delusion, but with realistic optimism, the belief that it may be difficult, but we possess the skills to persevere.It was mostly a compilation of studies to show you how some people are lil babies and others are not.

Before we dive into the review, I want to digress for a moment and preface that I’ve been a fan of Steve Magness’ work for ~3 years now (alongside co-author Brad Stulberg).

Raising the floor, on the other hand, simply requires you to set a manageable target – perhaps even an easy target. It was slightly athlete focused, however he does give examples from other areas so it’s still relevant for everyone. For far too long, we’ve propped up an external version of toughness based on bluster and machismo while neglecting inner strength based on humility and equanimity. Magness even references Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in this section, and as someone who spent most of their career dealing with Maslow, it made this former teacher’s heart smile. Our definition of toughness has, unfortunately, revolved around a belief that the toughest individuals have thick skin, fear nothing, constrain emotions, and hide vulnerability.

I’ve always subscribed to this type of mentality, and I believe that having an easy life just leaves us feeling unfulfilled, contrary to our preconceived theories. But if these superficial goals don’t resonate with your actual desires, you’re unlikely to meet them.He has real skill in bringing his concepts to life with a mixture of lovely language, peer-reviewed studies and fascinating anecdotes and stories. In each section of the book there are “Toughness Maxim’s”, which are the quotes that you could use to summarize the sections.

A study of elementary school students found that overconfident readers often chose books way above their level of comprehension. It stalls the jump from difficulty to complete despair, from fear and anxiety to full-blown freak out.It shows how traditional markers of toughness, like putting on a brave face and pushing past pain, can actually hinder physical and mental performance outcomes in the long term.