Rude Stories

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Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on. Short funny stories for adults: 1. The Lions and the Lamp: I don’t like my boyfriend watching pornography. I do think it’s kind of a form of infidelity, because he’ll be imagining himself having sex with other women, and I don’t understand why he needs to watch it when I draw him such great vaginas.” – Sara Pascoe That is an almost impossible question. It does not have a good answer because every reader has different opinions and preferences. Different stories remind them of their own experiences. When something feels familiar, they tend to like it. But there are a couple of short stories that have become famous because they resonate with lots of people. They are also good examples of ironic stories. Still looking him right in the eye, I smiled and said, with just a bare hint of satisfaction in my voice, “Good.”

Turns out, she’d been throwing away clothes instead of washing them. She claimed she didn’t know she could, yet she washed her undergarments and bras without a hitch. As I'm trying to mentally deal with the fact of counting all those coins, her friend, let's call her Betty, adds more Kool-Aid Jammers, which puts them beyond the limit. I apologise and explain to them our rule. They both start to LOSE their shit. While they're yelling at me, I call for my manager to come over. As I'm waiting for him, I'm still counting out Joan's change. The thing I don’t get about paedophilia… Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?” – Frankie Boyle Some other filthy jokes: Anyway, he invited them both to our house that night and they both brought their kids, who were all around my age. There were 6 of us kids in all.Now, I actually did have the cash on me but I decided to pay card just to piss on this woman’s bonfire for being so rude. My poor bestie got in big trouble for embarrassing the hell out of her when she was trying so hard to get my father to choose her over the other woman. Her mother convinced my father to punish me for daring her daughter to do that, even though her daughter was the one who wanted this to happen.

Three hungry lions wander across the Serengeti National Park in search of food when they stumble upon an old oil lamp. She points to one of our outdoor diners at the end of an alley, talking to her group of friends quietly and casually. She is also breastfeeding her child. Looking at my penis, I find it endlessly fascinating. It’s 46 years old, my penis. 46! It’s older than the Sydney Opera House, my penis!” – Rhod Gilbert I said I needed to hop in the shower (I was DISGUSTINGLY hot) but she was welcome to add a batch of simple syrup to lemonade and pour herself a glass. Was in the bathroom for 5 minutes, and she got to work while I was in there….. The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys. I’m sorry, but if Christmas is coming – so am I.” – Sarah MillicanThis is an outrageously funny series featuring the most quirky, eccentric characters that are bound to delight children who love gloriously silly details and horrible baddies,' she said. 'Hilariously illustrated, they really are marvellous, madcap adventures.' Your suggestions upvotes Follow Unfollow 6 months ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 So we go to the til and by this point we’re all pretty wound up from all the people and their Christmas crazy. This woman is at the till arguing with the cashier about something so we stop our conversation to listen in. John, who is ironically a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, shares: “My wife and I went out with some friends for bowling and beer. We both had a little too much to drink.” However, that didn’t stop him from initiating intercourse with his wife that night. “I was happily pumping away with a full bladder. I began to feel the urge to ejaculate (or so I thought in my half drunken stupor). The problem was that I was peeing instead of ejaculating.” 5. Caught in the act I worked at a private club, once. One guy, in his mid-20s, came in with the rest of his family-about 10 people. Despite his young age, he was obviously taking up alcoholism as a hobby and he wasn’t a nice drunk, either. In fact, I’d waited on him previously, and he was a pretty insufferable piece of shit.

Mind you I paid extra attention to his table because he’s the owner. After telling him that he needed to be a little more patient because I was the only server and it was very busy he said that if he was a paying customer he’d make me pay for the meal and then said something like he couldn’t believe I could tie my shoes in the morning considering how bad I was at serving. I told him to fire me then and he balked. I worked there for another year without a word from him. 8. WTF is it with some customers? An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup." Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.” – Billy ConnollyEmil and the Detectives by Erich Kastner is a total classic and thrilling read, or what about the irreverant Tapper Twins books by Geoff Rodkey. Gene Kemp's The Turbulent Term of Tyke Tileris also excellent (look out for the twist!) She has always been keen on the idea but sensibly wary about damaging a relationship. In the beginning it was “this is just a fantasy, we shouldn’t risk it”.