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Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

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She identifies six types of boundaries—physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, material, and time—and dispenses tips on how to uphold personal limits…. If you can resist your urges, change your habits, and say yes to only what you deem truly meaningful, you’ll be practicing healthy self-boundaries. It’s a, a loss of a relationship that if the circumstances were different, you would've loved to have the relationship.

The healthiest option would be to immediately and explicitly state your boundaries, saying something like “I appreciate that you’re having a difficult time, but I can’t help you with this project. It’s funny because the author even mentions this in the beginning of the book, saying that boundaries can be too rigid as a result of trauma, but then continues the book assuming that all boundaries the reader comes up with are perfectly justifiable.

All of her solutions to the issues she brings up are along the lines of thinking about things differently and changing your actions because of that. If you don’t have time for something that you want to do, you don’t have healthy boundaries with time. For example, a negative comment about your appearance from a stranger probably won’t seriously impact your life, no matter how you choose to respond to it.

If you don’t speak up about behaviors that make you uncomfortable, others will naturally believe you’re okay with those behaviors and will continue unknowingly upsetting you. Nedra Glover Tawwab has achieved this balance so elegantly by addressing the origins of poor boundaries, where poor boundaries can exist in our lives (self, family, friends, work, social media, etc. According to Tawwab, boundary violations often happen as a natural part of the boundary-setting process.If we aren’t proactive about this in our relationships, we can be sure the other person will set their boundaries. When someone uses their voice to express something we don’t like we label it as a bad thing to mask our discomfort. Tawwab explains where your boundaries come from and offers strategies for identifying and communicating your boundaries in a variety of situations.

Shortform note: Major boundary violations often involve power imbalances that make it difficult for you to safely address them. She really makes it sound like she cares about (white collar) workers' well-beings, but then in the self-assessment quiz at the end of the book, she classifies this response as having "rigid" boundaries: "No, I never think about work.

The chapter on trauma is 12 pages long, and most of it is devoted to the example person’s story and explaining what abuse is. Tawwab debuts with a comprehensive guide on how to understand and establish interpersonal boundaries…. This book is clearly written for a very small subset of the population who are neurotypical, able-bodied, and financially well off who only interact with other neurotypical, able-bodied, and financially well off people. I am your host, Chris Duffy, and you can find more from me, including my weekly newsletter and information about my live comedy shows at chrisduffycomedy. Many of us behave in a passive-aggressive manner because we feel (real or imagined) that we can’t be honest and say what we feel.

Unspoken boundaries are invisible, and they often sound like “They should’ve known better” or “Common sense would say . I'm now a level 4 engineer with 7 years of experience and I've never once had an office; it's always been a cubicle. One hundred and fifty MILLION adults in this country living in precarious financial situations is NOT an issue with individual boundaries, Nedra. It will naturally take some time for you to break from habits, and accepting this can help keep you from becoming discouraged and unmotivated.Shortform note: When addressing infractions with loved ones, it’s important that you take time to understand your own feelings. They help the other person directly learn from their mistake, without you having to engage in punishment.

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